Saturday, August 20, 2011

"Call me old school...": The memoirs of an audition snob

Alright here goes. I'm ready to admit it. I am an audition snob. When it comes to being a performer I try to remain as humble as possible because quite honestly talent is important, but humility and gratitude will get you everywhere. Honestly where I drop the ball is at auditions. I've always been one to remain to myself at auditions. Not because I don't want to talk to anyone, but I like to observe the behavior of everyone around me.

I was at an audition yesterday for a Broadway show and was just blown away by some of these girls. First of all, it looks like everyone stepped out of the latest issue of Seventeen magazine. I want to say that about 85% of these girls all looked alike. Blond. Sundresses from H&M. Overdone make up. Nothing really stood out about any of them.  What I did notice about them was that they all made poor choices in shoe selections. I saw everything from open-toe sandals to rain boots. Girls: This is a job interview. Would you walk into an office interview wearing rain boots or sandals? No? They why do you wear them to an audition? Ugh.

Second. The underage diva. No one likes a diva to begin with. So if you're a mini diva who could barely wipe her own ass?...You're just the worst.  This is a conversation I overheard as I was waiting for my time slot:

Mini diva 1: Oh my god! There are so many people here.
Mini diva 2: Yeah I need to be out of here by 3 p.m. Some people have to work.

Ladies. If there's an open call for a Broadway audition wherein sign in begins at 1:30 p.m. and the actual auditions begin at 2 p.m. Don't expect to stroll in there at 2:10 p.m. and be out by 3:00 p.m. What planet do you live on? Let this be a lesson to you small fry. In this business no one really cares if you have a life outside the show or not. If you can't dedicate one day to an audition, you probably won't be able to dedicate yourself to months of rehearsals and performances. So for now, kick rocks girl. You're a dime a dozen. Unless you wanna become another Kathleen Battle.

Next up: Knowing how to follow direction.  I get it. We're all excited to audition for a Broadway show. Lets face it. Its a big deal for whoever gets this part. But ladies remember, just because you're waiting for your turn doesn't mean there isn't someone auditioning in the room next to us. If the moderator has to come out more than once to tell you to be quiet, it probably means you can't follow direction the first time its given to you. This isn't something I ever thought I'd experience at this level. I thought I had left this behavior back in school. Boy I was wrong. How do you think you'll do in rehearsals for a show if you can't follow direction at the audition? No no....don't answer that. It's just food for thought.

Last but not least: Dress code. This kind of ties in to my first mention of shoes, everyone dressed the same, etc. In this case, the description on the casting says. "A girl in her 20's, beautiful, period, fragile". Now this audition is for the role of Juan Peron's mistress in Evita. Some girls took the whole "period" thing a little too far and kinda looked like they were wearing a costume. However, the ones that really bothered me the most where the ones that apparently thought that a "mistress" is a "hooker". Now don't get me wrong, I know it happens. However, not in this case.  In this case, the mistress was just that...a MISTRESS. Ladies don't dress like modern day hookers. Again. This is your job interview. Plus, most of the time in these auditions you're going to be singing for a woman, who will probably think you look trashy or a gay man who doesn't want what you have so just cover it up. Look like a lady. You'll get further in life.

In closing, I must say. This young generation of performers still have so much to learn. You graduated college but now is when you're real education begins. So at the age of 29, I'd like to be considered "old school".

Saturday, July 23, 2011

The dawning of the age of Aquarius......

To say that the musical production Hair is an interactive show is definitely an understatement. This production seeks to stimulate all the senses it possibly can. The sight, the sounds, the smell of the theater. The most amazing part of this production is that there wasn't a weak performer on that stage. Everyone from the leads to the ensemble, to the musicians were all fantastic. This production includes depictions of illegal drug use and sex, profanity, and full frontal nudity from both its female and male cast members. Performers are running up and down the isles, up in the mezzanine, climbing on chairs and messing with the audiences hair. As an audience member I had the difficult task of holding on to Berger's pants as he paraded on stage wearing a loin cloth. I did't mind. The actor who played Berger is hot. I almost didn't want to give him back his pants. However, the highlight for me was being able to go up on stage with the cast as they reprise "Let the sun shine in". This wasn't a show about special effects, singers flying across the stage, or a stage full of smoke and mirrors. This is a musical about peace, love, an anti-war movement and just celebrating the fact that you have life. As a member of the audience I came out of that theater wanting to be a hippie in the 1960's. I wanted to have a cause that I believe so strongly in that I will go to great lengths to have my voice be heard. As a performer I came out of the theater with a new found inspiration.  An inspiration that can only come from performers such as this cast that sing with this raw talent and visceral emotion. But I guess when you're standing on a Broadway stage you feel unstoppable.

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Cuba you can't see....

I gotta admit. It took me a while to actually sit down and watch the No Reservations epidsode Anthony Bourdain filmed in Cuba. Not because of lack of interest--because honestly, I've realized that the older I get the more proud I am to be Cuban-American--I just never really had the time for it. Two days ago I finally made the time to sit and watch the entire episode. I will say, I'm kind of on the fence about it. Sure, you go to Cuba, film what you can because lets face it, you don't have access to every part of the island and not many people are willing to speak on camera (with good reason). But at the same time, you film this episode that makes Cuba look like people are just so happy to live there and they are so content with life as is.

In the episode he ate at all the "best" restaurants, stayed at Hotel Nacional (which is one of the best hotels in Havana) and had mojitos at a local bar. Throughout the episode he interviews four people who are very well off by Cuba's standards and also serve as his guides around the city. The first is a reporter. You know, because we can always get the real deal from a Cuban reporter. The second person interviewed was a photographer who moved from the the Bronx to Cuba when he was 17. He basically followed a young Castro around taking candid shots of him everywhere he went. The third was a former linguistics professor from the US who just lives in Cuba. He is very much into Cuban baseball and follows the league. He educated Bourdain on the sport Cuba is most passionate even going so far as taking him to a park where you need to be certified in order to have an argument (not joking). And last but not least, Michael Gonzalez Sanchez, an employee for the City Historian. Bourdain interviews him in a restaurant that is in the city center. Obviously not a spot frequented by the locals but ok. I'll go with it. Their main topic of discussion is about how they are trying to restore Old Havana, using funds that are mainly if not entirely gained through tourism. 

Overall, this episode kinda left me feeling empty. I'm sure it was very eye-opening for the average family living, somewhere out  in the mid-west or something, who think this is really what Cuba is all about. I heard about this episode and was expecting to see fields of sugar cane, palm trees, dirt roads, old houses that were falling apart but were so full of love and culture you could feel it pouring through your TV screen (or computer screen in my case). Instead I got an episode full of the newest restaurants, mojitos, and cobble-stone streets. I still really like Anthony Bourdain but I feel he kind of sold out with this episode. Normally in his show he immediately jumps into where the locals hang out, what they eat, where they live, what they do. I feel like he settled for filming whatever the government let him get away with just to be able to say "Hey I took my American cameras to Cuba".  Which begs me to ask: As an artist, would you put work out there for the world to see, knowing that you didn't stay true to yourself and your craft?

Anthony Bourdain No Reservations: Havana
Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:

Thursday, June 30, 2011


I feel kinda guilty. I've lived in New York City since February 2010. Being that this is the first time I've lived away from home moving here was not an easy transition. I can still remember my first day here. February 4, 2010. I hadn't even met my current roommate yet. I knocked on the door of my apartment and the first thing I said was "Hi I"m Eloisa. I live here now." Needless to say, she hid in her room for most of the first week I lived here. Anyways, I digress. Up until my last trip back to Miami I felt like every time I came back to NYC, I was still visiting. There was something about this trip last week that made me feel like coming back to NYC was coming back home. I don't know if it was the warm weather welcoming back to the city, the fact that it's been over a year,  or the fact that for the first time I felt like I have the power now to make my own decisions and my own life here without anyone telling how I should live. Weird. I never thought that I could feel so disconnected from old friendships and feel so at home.